I have a lot of stuff.
Even after last week’s garage sale, I have too much stuff. So, we’re going to do another one in June. Mike’s career in the film industry has meant that we have lots of weird things; props from commercials, every manner of microphone, styrofoam letters, hundreds of lightbulbs, gizmos and gadgets that I can’t begin to tell you what they’re for.
My friend Julie and I were truly honored when an artist/attorney/neighbor came by aour garage sale and pronounced to be the most interesting one she’d been to all day.
Not only did Mike have a lot of props, he was also a packrat–he rarely threw anything away. It was very strange to have a garage sale without the debates about the merit of this or that piece of junk, or the many discussions about how useful an item could be.
I guess this is how my space will evolve into MY space, not OUR space. As I think about it, I’ve done many changes here since Mike’s death; several light fixtures, a ceiling fan, rearranging/moving art, new dishes, linens, but overall fewer things. Tore out the room in the basement where he died. Painted the basement walls. Doing the garden slightly differently.
All in all, I think more is going out than coming in. It feels right.
Slowly, slowly, I’ll continue purging. As I do so, I get panicky sometimes; its going to take me five years to get rid of all of this STUFF.
Now, I know that I could just dump things to the curbside, but I feel that it is my duty to go through all of it. Really, because what I’m doing is going through my old life (even though a lot of the stuff was never mine). And I’m also trying to save the most meaningful things for Marley and Avery.
It’s hard to predict what they’ll appreciate. The deer stand that Mike sat in? The old wool x-c ski pants covered w/dog hair? Or how about his compound bow? His guitar? His amplifiers? Which clothes? (We did have two small quilts made from his clothes already).
It’s a lot to deal with on top of working out my new patterns of daily life, trying to move on, socialize, meditate, exercise, deal with business and children and frequent bouts of grief, sorrow, inability to catch my breath and insomnia. And getting massages to work on body/energy issues, sending all of us to our various therapists or therapy groups, piano, soccer, etc. Damn, thats an impressive list, isnt it?
Yet, my urge is to get the purging over with. And when I concentrate on it too hard, then things like the laundry and dinner don’t get done.
Juggling all this is kind of crazy.
But both my good friend Julie and my therapist said within the space of less than a week that there’s really no deadline to this review, evaluation and purging.
I suppose they are right.
I feel like I want to get it all behind me, though.Decluttter