I’d like to clarify and apologize for some of my more recent entries.
I want to make it clear that I am getting help and support from people, and for this I am grateful.
I think one of the things that makes all of this so hard, though, is that Mike was such an involved and hands on father. We really had a nearly unspoken and I feel equal division of labor and skills when it came to the children. I so appreciated that when I had it and I miss it terribly now.
In addition to doing nearly all the cooking, the yardwork and half of the laundry, Mike also several time per week took the children to the park, the zoo, the museum, biking, etc, with and without me. And I did the same. We both got regular breaks from the children and had time to ourselves.
Mike would bathe them, read stories to them, sing music to them, take care of them when they were sick, paint Avery and Marley’s fingernails and toenails, do crafts with them.
And I so miss all of that. And I mourn for my children’s loss even more than my own. Because nothing in this world can replace that for them.