Just want to check in and say that I’m feeling more balanced today. This last grief wave was a doozy and left me feeling way less confident about my ability to handle my life with any sense of normalcy.
I’m going to work hard this fall at figuring out some sort of arrangement with people willing to take my kids overnight (together or seperately–but if seperately, finding two sleepovers on the same night w/different people) so I can have some blessed kid free time. Even one or two regular nights a month would be a big relief from this uber-single parenting that I am finding to be more and more burdensome and overwhelming as time goes on.
You single parents with ex-partners who take the kids even occasionally have no idea how lucky you are. Two parent families? Those were the days. Or those with grandparents who take their grandkids for overnights/weekends and/or days at a time.
God, I would love any of the above in my life.
It would give us all some breathing room, I think.
One problem is, however, that the kids aren’t as into the idea of spending the night away as I am. But they’ll have to get over it.
I went to my therapist and medical doctor on Thursday because I thought I was going to freak out in a put-her-a-straightjacket kind of way.
They both gave me some visualizations, breathing exercises and other neurotransmittor retraining exercizes to work with and the doctor recommended some herbs I could take to help take the edge off of my anxiety. Either they worked or it was time to stop being crippled by grief, because many of the clouds have lifted, though I am still feeling smothered by my children.
It’s too bad because its not their fault. And I really wish I could enjoy them like I used to.
Maybe this next trip will usher in something new; a breath of fresh air or something.
Hi Chris, I’ve been reading your posts from afar, trying to somehow put myself in your shoes to understand what you’ve been going through. But of course I can’t actually experience things as you do. I’d like to imagine that if we weren’t so far away we’d be the type of friends that would stop by spontaneously and whisk the kids off on an activity for an afternoon or evening – letting them have a little fun and you some time for yourself. Take care Chris, we think of you often.
Tom & Art