Well, we’re back into the swing of things. Both Marley and Avery are now in school and I have some major catching up to do in every department from laundry to gardening and business and friends.
Oh well, not too many hard deadlines for any of this. But it does help to wear blinders when entering the chaos of the home office.
I’m still digesting the experiences from our summer trips. Very fun, yet also stressful. I”m wondering if it’s because until this past year, I’ve never travelled (for fun) alone. And with two children (as a single parent).
It was especially weird meeting friends of my friends and family. I get a bit jittery when I get too many questions about my personal life. For instance, I really really don’t want to share that I’m a widow at my nieces’ 5th birthday party, for intstance. Can’t stand the reaction. Definitely a buzz kill. But you know people probably wonder why a sister-in-law is there w/o hubby.
Also, had a couple of heavy, pure pain grief waves while on the road. Just missing Mike during times that should have been carefree and purely fun. Not a lot of fun. One, I swear to God was triggered by listening to Johnny Cash on our CA camping trip. The other, seemed to be some kind of a release after a yoga class in Fairbanks.
So, when we got back to AL, I wanted to kiss the floor. This is not a typical reaction for me when I come home from a long trip. Yes, familiarity! It never felt so good. It no longer feels purely freakish in my house with just me and the kids! Yeah!
I know when I can work, exercise, etc etc. I DO have patterns that work! I DO have friends and family who know my situation and I feel very comfortable with and comforted by them!
So thinks are really quite okay. Feeling good.
A bit on edge about the 1-year anniversary coming up (Sept 14). I keep thinking I should come up with some great tribute or memorial, but all I really want to do is work in the garden. But I’m also afraid I might regret that and feel lonely and stupid for not coming up with something better. Talk about Type A, huh?
Really, I think I’ll save my creativity for The Day of the Dead again.
On good days, its hard to believe a year has gone by. Except when I think about all of my friends, old and new, who have blessed us in the past year. Thank you one and all.