I think that maybe one of the best ways to deal with the wreckage that my life seems to have become is to go through every file, every photo, every card that I’ve saved over the years and either get rid of them, or put them together in some way that makes sense. (Dumping them into a plastic box doesn’t count).
Kind of need to create an archive of my now-obliterated life. I’m kind of upset at myself for taking SOOOO many photos of my kids while not taking that many of Mike. And then not insisting that he take those blasted prescription sunglasses off. I always worried that something would happen to the kids. I always knew that Mike would be there for me. He was the most loyal person I’ve ever known.
Since I really had things planned a different way, and now that 50% of the plan is no longer here, I really don’t have much of a life roadmap to follow. It had been a pretty detailed map, let me say. Perhaps it is best to go backward before going forward.
Honestly, this culling/arranging of the archives (not to mention business equipment, tools, business plans, etc) would make a great interim career for me. Because the career we had mapped out with each other doesn’t seem like it will work when its just me trying to implement it. Our skills were so complimentary it was almost ridiculous. We needed each other on many many levels.
Now none of the dreams and plans for the next big thing seem so much fun anymore. How in the hell can I do this by myself?
Maybe eating my way through our IRAs for a year will afford me the once in a lifetime opportunity to garden and archive my way into figuring out my next incarnation.
Being less than hyper responsible sounds like the only appealing thing right now.