Another first–a non-holiday milestone that Mike has missed. One of those things that I know he would have loved to celebrate with her. And maybe he is. It’s just not that apparent to me.
Marley is soooo excited. When this happened, I of course was happy for Marley, but my mind also immediately went to “well, here’s another thing that Mike will never get to enjoy.”
I guess that’s only natural–and only natural, too, that Marley doesn’t seem to be thinking along those lines at all. Which is good; kids are very good at living in the moment.
Sometimes I wonder if they even think about him. Then Avery will start talking about how we’re really a loon family (hmmm, maybe he’s on to something) or a rabbit family and I am the momma loon, Marley is the sister loon, and Avery is the brother loon and daddy is the daddy loon who died. And then I realize that they’re probably thinking about Mike more often than I realize.
Maybe their sadness will come out later as they get older and realize what they have missed w/o a father present for most of their lives. I feel like this is all impacting me much more than them right now. I suspect the reverse will be true in years to come.
As for me, every day feels either stressed (I’ve got too much to do), but more likely like a flat gray, slightly melancholy at all times, but functioning in a sociable/get the job done sort of way. But certainly no deep feelings of joy, contentment, exhilaration, or just the plain old “everything is all right in my world.”
With the possible exception of the children, who can ironically bring out flashes of those positive feelings as well as some of my deepest feelings of frustration, exhaustion and anger.
Kind of crazy.
Glad you enjoyed it; I am now waiting on Avery to lose his first tooth; he’s almost exactly the same age as Marley was when she lost her tooth. Things have changed around here since then. But life is still crazy.